But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
