u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
