My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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