I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
