she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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