but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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