Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
