I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
