i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
