My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
