I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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