Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
