I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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