he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
