We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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