She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
