We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
