I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
