He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you made out with another girl for some wings
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
