i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
