I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
