We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
