the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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