So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
