Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
