drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
