Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we're so committed to being not committed
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
