highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
