Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
