Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
