This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
