omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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