yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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