This girl is more easily done than said...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
