anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
