I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
