carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
