The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
