So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
