So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
