I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
