y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
