how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
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