i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
