so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
