Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
