he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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