no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
