this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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