All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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