I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
