Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
