I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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