i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
