Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
40s are totally the cure
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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