i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
